I have finally recovered from the inaugural DAY OF DEBAUCHERY. Now, some of you might be asking, 'Dan, what is this debauchery day you speak of?'. Well, before I get into that, let me start by ripping the Funky Monkey crew who didn't attend. Work is never an excuse for missing a day like this.
The soon to be 'national' DAY OF DEBAUCHERY has been a long time in the making. We as a society get a number of holidays off from work every year. Some of us get more than others. Yeah I'm talking to you city worker. But the problem with most of those holidays or days off is that everybody else usually get it off too. You can't really enjoy the day to the fullest because of the family commitments and other people with the day off getting in your way. (so maybe we shouldn't make it national.) So myself and another fellow debaucherist ( I don't think that is a word but it is now) decided that we need a day for us to do whatever we want. We're talking drinking from 7 am on through the day. Seeing really bad movies. Strip clubs when the sun is still out. Putt putt golf without the kids. Group tattoos. Maybe even starting a fight club or cock fighting ring. Who knows, the sky (and money) is the limit.
It can't be something that you would normally do on the weekend. You can't wait till after work either. No shopping, unless it's for something weird or kinky. No kids or parents. Lunch only if mass quantities of cocktails are consumed. And no designated drivers. Cabs, buses, walking, crawling, and ambulances are the only excepted means of transportation. The day ends only when the last debaucherist (cool word, spread it around) falls. If done right, it could be as early as noon. Try to make it last longer, pace yourselves.
Now on the first day, many of you didn't know about it or didn't have enough notice to make the proper arrangements to take part. That was your only excused day. So we need to set a permanent day. I came up with four days throughout the year for our new jamboree. The first Friday following every change of season. March 21st, June 21st and so on. Mark your calenders. You deserve this day. You need this day. So start planning now what illness you're going to fake, who's watching the kids, and decide if you want to sign a DO NOT RESUSCITATE form. (if you need one of these forms, I'm pretty sure Jess has some in his glove box)
"Let the Royal Rumpus begin!"
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5 comments:
I am in, women are included correct? Yes I can keep up, you don't call me Popeye for nothing do you?
First one to call Leader gets it! Leader! I WIN!
mahahaha!
I'm in. But I think you need to expand the rules on when the "Day of Debauchery" ends. I think if some one is tazered by the cops, that is equivalent to passing out. If a group of debaucherists band together to tackle, hog tie, and send another debaucherist to de-tox, that to is equivalent to passing out. If any debaucherists mother needs to be called, that ends the day for all.
Hell hath no furry like the ass I am going to kick of the man who calls my mother just to end the, "Day of Debauchery". Geeze Davo, do we need a safe word for you or something?
I'm tellin your mom!
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