"Life's the same except for my shoes..."

Hello? Is there anybody out there?

I know that it's been a long time since I kicked it old school. I meant to write, I just got busy.

That's not totally true. Many a time I sat at the keyboard staring at the blank screen, dying to tickle your fancy. But alas, nothing came. Blame it on melancholy, blame it on cauliflower, but don't blame it on the rain because that's just a bad Milli Vanilli song. I really don't have an answer for why I neglected you for so long, but don't you worry, I'm back and just as cynical as ever.

Many things have come and gone since we last spoke, many things to touch on. More like molest. Lindsay, Brittany, Sen. Craig, even OJ. But every hack with a laptop drove those topics into the dirt. I didn't want to say the same old jokes as everyone else. You deserve better.

The only thing that seems relevant to me is...you guessed it...Day of Debauchery!!!

Everywhere I go, people think this is such a great idea. Friends, family, hairdressers, co-workers, even people who hear others talking about it in elevators want to participate. But if it sounds so cool, then why was there only a handful who took part last time?

I talked to a plump Elvis look-a-like the other day and he had the nerve to tell me he was too old for Day of Debauchery. Wha? Dude, we're all too old for Day of Debauchery. That's the point!

I might have scared (or scarred) you with the details or guidelines of the last day. It isn't all about drinking and boobies. Those are big parts, but not the only ones. It is what you make it. It's about not being at work. It's about not being a parent for a day. It's not drunken' anarchy. it's intoxicated debauchery.

If you can't get the day off, you are the person who really needs this the most. This is for the little guy. The average Joe. Take the damn day off!! I have one debaucherist who will have to work the next eight days straight to get that day off. Another has to call in sick the day before as well just to make it look legit. Hell, my company is collapsing around me, but I'm still going to participate. Don't just say it sounds like a good idea, make it happen. Call up a friend, call in sick for each other, and go have a good time. Call me up, and I'll tell you where we are and you could join the pod.

For the casual reader, or idiots who might have forgot, Friday (Sept. 21st) is the next Day of Debauchery. Man, I never get tired of writing that. Do what you have to do to get off. Yes, I meant that both ways. Perverts.

I think the slogan for David Sunflower Seeds says it best:
Eat. Spit. Be Happy!

Vatos down.