"Well you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to talk..."

What up you two dolla hoes? No excuses, just didn't feel the need to
entertain you clowns for the last few months. I'ze gots betta things to do! Besides, I was too busy with the T. Boone Pickins presidential campaign to do any writing. Then, when things looked bad, I did what the rest of the country did and jumped on the bandwagon. That's right, I voted for Gary Coleman! Just you watch, 2012 is my midget's year!!!
Anyway.

A special shout out goes out to 'The Round Mound of Hou-town', Davo a.k.a. Elvis, on his B-day today! I spoke to him this morning, and he said he was going to spend his day like anybody else his age would; Wake up at 4:30am and watch the news- go to the post office for no reason- go to the bank for no reason- get his prostate looked at (not by a doctor, just the bum in the alley)- go to the mall to power walk- complain about how kids dress these days- then off to dinner at Denny's by 3 in the afternoon. His motto is 'Party like it's 1899!'.

The main reason I'm writing today is obvious. DOD is just around the corner. For those of you who aren't in the loop, sucks to be you, we had a little controversy this last week. Just to refresh your memory, Day of Debauchery happens four times a year. The Friday closest to the solstice. The beginning of every season. This isn't rocket science people. Every calender you see has these dates on them. And yet, every time DOD rolls around, we hear the same shit. 'I didn't know'. Well, the DOD's prior to the last one, someone always had an excuse for not showing. In December, he returned strong and put in a memorable performance and redeemed himself. He then proceeded in working on his days off to ensure he would get the next DOD off from work. Well, last week he informed me off a scheduling conflict. I responded in typical fashion with 'Go fuck yourself'. He then carefully explained that the symposium honoring his grandfather was being held the same day as DOD. This is a great thing honoring a great man. I was conflicted with what to do. I turned to my cabinet, my inner circle so to speak for advice. Popeye said 'Fuck him, I scheduled the day off months ago!' Eskimo said that he had a legitimate excuse, but if it wasn't this, it would be something else.

In true Ru fashion, he decided to lull us into submission. He did this by drafting a 39 page change of date form. For any Debaucherist to go through this much trouble (we're a pretty sedentary if not downright lazy bunch) I had no choice but to entertain the proposal. His form was detailed and insightful. At least I think it was, I stopped reading by page four.

I was torn. I was conflicted. I was a little hungry. I finally decided to put my dictatorship of the Debaucherist Party on hold to put it up for vote. There were many no votes, mainly out of spite and humor, but in the end it came down to the actions of our little sailor mouth who was able to change her days off.

So, I am officially announcing here and now that the next DOD will be on March 27th. It will start in the traditional way, 9am at my house with shots of tequila. Where we go from there, well, we'll have to see what Paul Masson has to say about that!

P.s. Ru needs to know that he is lucky we love him and did this for him as well as his grandfather. And what better way to show our love but to punish him and demand favors! Let me hear them people, anything we think he should do or bring on the 27th. The sky (and his ass) is the limit!