"Pretty women, they're walking with gorillas down my street..."

Valentines Day. Okay, I know this is a easy subject to bash on, and believe me I meant to leave it alone, but come on. Unless you are in a new relationship or under twenty-one, you shouldn't be excited about this crap. Don't give me the 'but it's so romantic' junk. It's a made up holiday. Don't believe the documentary you saw on TLC, it was sponsored by Halmark.
Every year clueless men stand in front of a rack of cards looking for the right one. Not the romantic one, not the funny one, not the sentimental one. No, we're looking for the one that will get us off the hook for not getting reservations for a good restaurant. We're looking for the one that will make up for buying flowers from the homeless guy on the corner. We're trying to make up for the lousy Christmas gift we got you. But most of all, we're trying to get laid.
Now even that is a crock of shit. If we're in a committed relationship, give up the booty. We paid our dues all year watching Grey's Anatomy and caring about your shoes matching your purse as we go out with your friends. Now you want a whole day dedicated to you. We don't get shit. And what we do get, we don't want. We like chocolate, but it's not a 'religious experience' like it is to you. We don't want flowers, unless you are planting tulips. Sorry, that was to easy. And cards. These mean absolutely nothing to us. Since we were kids, these only served the purpose of holding birthday money. So when we open up our valentine and see that there is no cash, we already think that it sucks. And when you give us the sappy romantic ones, I'll let you in on a little secret, we're not really reading it. We pause long enough for you to smile with that tear coming down, then tell you we think it's great and we feel the same way. Think I'm lying? Try writing some dumb crap in fancy writing and see what we say.
I was going to write a lot more, because believe me, I have a lot more to bitch about. But it's getting late and I have to go stare at a card rack. Dammit!