"She's got a gold tooth, you know she's hardcore. She'll show you a good time, then she'll show you the door..."

I know that it's been awhile since I've preached my gospel, but I've had bin-ness to attend to. I'm a bin-ness man! The day to day b.s. is getting to cramp my lifestyle. What good is livin' if it only consists of work and family? Just kidding dear. Love Ya. But really, I sit in my office at work or in my truck, thinking "well, how did I get here?". Then I do that water underground dance they do on the Talkingheads video.

Well you're in luck because I've learned to ignore that insecurity and repress my self doubts and keep plugging along. I live permanently in my happy place. No longer do I only go there when I'm stressed, I set up shop. I learned to tune out the bozos completely. So if you're talking to me and I seem to be staring off into space with a shit eating grin on, you now know where I'm at. It's a beautiful place with midget butlers, lego castles, and nudey movies showing all the time.

Anyway.

The last time I wrote was before the last Day of Debauchery. I wanted to write about other things since then but I just didn't have the time. "Go away, I'm bate-n!" This was becoming a blog only about D.O.D. which would be fine except that's only four blogs a year. I'm going to try to do more so start paying attention. Go back and read old ones and make comments. I have nothing better to do then check them. I'm not being sarcastic, I really don't.

Now a brief recap of the festivities that took place last D.O.D. Elvis was scared about taking part with us but he had a good time. It wasn't that bad. We had breakfast, saw a movie,went to Rhino's work and had a shot and a beer with him, went to the strip club for four hours, dropped Popeye off at home because she was loaded, went to Carl's for a pizza, met up with more Debaucherists, drank tequila in a parking lot, went back to the strip club, went to the after hours strip club (yes they have them- who knew), then breakfast again.

Now some details. Rudy's a bitch, but more on that later. Popeye was a trooper until we met up with, and had shots with, Isis. More on her later. After that, Popeye fell asleep in the truck in the parking lot of the strip club during a snow storm. You might ask what kind of guy leaves his wife past out in a truck. A guy who knows his responsibility to the rest of the pod, that's who. Besides, she's a big girl plus a Debaucherist, she can handle it. After we took her home, she proceeded to call and harass me until I came home after the tequila in the parking lot episode. So that's where my day ended. Was I happy? No. Do I forgive her? No. Just kidding. Her goal this March is to make it past 5 pm, which she hasn't done yet, and to not start a fight with her husband, which she has not yet done either. I have faith in her. "You can do it!"

Rudy is on probation come 3/21/08. Not only did he join us late, (I don't care if you're vice principal or not, school does not interfere with D.O.D.) but he brought a date. Whaaaa? Of course he was date Rudy, all into her and not the pod. Then, if that wasn't enough, when breakfast was suggested after the after hours strip club, which his date said yes to, he said no it was late. Whaaa? One good thing came of this, a new phrase: Debauch-a-bitch! Thanks Elvis.

Isis, sweet Isis. Was she the prettiest stripper? No. Did she have the best body? No. But she was cool and got drunk with the crew. We made her an honorary Debaucherist. Only honorary because she didn't have time to go through the trails and memorize the pledge. When we went back to the club the second time, she was still there even though her shift was up. And boy was she lit! She hung out with us again, but this time as a civilian. Which brings up an observation. When a girl is grinding on your crotch in a g-string and glitter = good. When she's drunk and in sweats = not so good. A little embarrassing actually. But we can't wait to see her again later this month.

Now we are supposed to have the whole pod this time around minus Elvis. Since he's out of town, we will excuse it this time but will be expecting you in June. Plus we may have a few new pledges this time around. Cool. Just remember to stretch, wear loose pants, don't take anything personal, and don't cry to your mom the next day.

Dano out!